Well, I have been wanting to write this for a few weeks now. However, in true Erin form, I have done two things: 1) Tried to find the perfect way to start and word this, which is impossible... so it didnt get done. 2) Procrastinated by starting other projects, which has just created a mess in my apartment and now I am procrastinating cleaning those up by finally writing this blog entry. So, I guess you could say it has been productive, because here I am, facing the giants and writing this very imperfect blog entry.
I am turning 30 this year. Holy Hell. That is terrifying to me. I always thought I would have life "figured out" by 30. That I would be wise, have my life together, be married and probably have kids. All I know to be true, is that none of that is true and I have nothing figured out. I think thats why I am having a minor freak out over 30... I'm no where where I thought I'd be.
We all want what's next in life. You want to drive, go to college, drink, date, graduate, get a real job, get married, have a baby, etc. It's easy to yearn for the next thing, but you miss the joys of where you are... and thats what I'm trying to focus on. I want to get married so badly it physically hurts my heart some times. I only have a few single friends left, which makes it harder to do everything I want to do when I dont have some one to do it with. But this shows me that I feel like I need someone to make me happy... and thats what I need to change.
In the next 6 months I want to accomplish some things that are smothering me.
- Clean out my apartment (clothes, papers, re-organize): I stay in on the weekends with cleaning & organizing ideas of grandeur, I start something and make a mess, get bored/distracted/tired and then just end up watching stupid stuff on TV. No wonder I'm not meeting anyone, I'm sitting at home alone!
-Spruce up my apartment: I live here and after almost 3 years, I need some change from alllll the beige. I want to add chair railing, paint, hang this stupid porch light fixture.
-Get my finances in order: I have never even seen my credit report. I have money from 401K's that I dont even know where they are or if they are losing money.
-Spend less time being busy: My need to have things together, which if you cant tell from above, is NOT together and keeps me from doing things I love, because I am 'busy' unsuccessfully trying to organize it week after week. I want to get back to volunteering and find a way to meet new people.
Its so easy to let one thing go in your life and for everything else to slowly make its way to that slippery slope. Its hard to regain control, but thats what I want to do. I want to remind myself of the victories (no matter how small) and instead of wasting my last months of my 20's freaking out about something that coming, whether I want it to or not, turn it in to something positive. Sort of a Happiness Project.
SO, this is my first step. I dont know any of the other steps or have any game plan, but I just want to remember this time and make it a count. Come on Erin, don't let this be another half started project!
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