I have this new weird habit of not being able to sleep before trips. I don't know if it's just nerves about the trip or what. My flight home for Thanksgiving is at 9am and I am getting picked up at 7am. Its 4:15 am and I am still up. This is very unlike me. It's usually the early bird special and off to bed at 9pm, 10 if its a 'late' night. Yep... that's my idea of fun and I have no shame in my game.
I have always been a cleaner... I think it's in my blood. I find it very therapeutic and it's something I can have control over when I feel like things are out of control. Naturally, to combat my pre-trip nerves, I clean. It helps calm me and then I always come home to a clean apartment! :)
As I said, its 4:15am and I just started my noisy dishwasher. Probably not very nice, but it needed to be run before I left, so tough cookies! Hey, I am holding off on running the garbage disposal until at least 7am... you are welcome!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
My Portion...
I've had a twinge of sadness the past few days. This will be my first 'adult' Christmas when I haven't been totally consumed with work or dating Jesse... which seems to be hitting me harder than I expected. Despite a few sad moments during Fall, I sailed through it. This falsely lead me to believe I was past him, but here we are again. I think I am adequately over him and need to remember it's OK to be sad once and awhile. I guess you have to experience and relearn each season, as they all bring something new - both good new and not as much fun to deal with new.
I miss him, but I think I miss the idea of him more... which has been weighing on my heart lately. Typical to my coping mechanisms, I just ignored it and hoped it would go away. Surprise! It didn't. I decided that since I am in the process of turning over a new leaf, I should try to deal with it now so maybe the next seasonal transition wont be quite as bad. I mean, the next season brings life and that's how I want to feel! I would normally deal with it with Love Actually, wine and a good cry. While this is OK to do every once and awhile, it made me realize that no matter how my human self tries to deal with it, you can't make any progress until it is dealt with spiritually. God is trying to teach me yet again to love HIM! Look to HIM! Trust HIM!
So instead of dwelling in and on my loneliness and strong desires to be married, I am working on resting in the One who longs for me to feel that way about Him. The One who's love and care is constant... not something I have to earn. The One who shepherds me when I am struggling and whose mercy and grace is all powerful and ever present.
I want to use this time of singleness to bring glory to God and prepare myself for the blessing of a husband. To do this, it starts (and ends) with my eyes fixed upon the cross.
These passages have been such a wonderful reminder of hope to me lately...
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself. "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him..." -Lamentations 3:22-25
"We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts." -Romans 5:3-5
"My God will use his wonderful riches in Christ Jesus to give you everything you need." - Philippians 4:19
God is greater than our weakness and because of that, I am resting in the arms of my maker tonight.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Decorating for Christmas!
Well, this year I did something that is generally socially unacceptable among most people, myself included. I'm not proud of it, but I put up my Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving. I know... I know... I am hanging my head in shame (sort of). It has been a steadfast rule for many years at the Cesla household that Christmas doesn't start until after giving thanks for our many blessings over a turkey dinner.
However, since I don't live at home anymore and can make my own rules (although I think I was the one who started that rule, but that's beside the point), I decided it was time for Christmas! I'm sure it was the wine and Love Actually that helped bring this idea to fruition sooner than expected, but if that's so wrong... then I don't want to be right!
First, my 3 foot tree makes me incredibly happy! Now before you go judging me, you can't find REAL trees that small and if I had any room at all in my apartment, I would get a real one. If you choose to have a fake tree, know that I am judging you just a tiny bit... but I'll let you off a little since it's the holidays and I'm nice. :) Nothing beats the smell pine in your living room!
I have approximately 7 real ornaments on it and plastic silver balls from the $1 section at Target. I am working on expanding my collection, but since I like my ornaments to mean something, it's sort of a slow process. It looks a little empty, but it's my little Christmas tree and I love it. Come to think of it, it's very Charlie Brown of me.
Next, my homemade wreath! My previous Christmas wreath found a new home last year with the Grinch who stole it. I hope they are enjoying it. I looked at buying a pre-made one, but the idea of a Sunday afternoon craft project made me feel like a fat kid in a candy store and I couldn't deny myself that kind of happiness. My overwhelming Martha Stewart crafting joy was appropriately paired with a healthy dose of reality after an encounter with a crazy crafter. I think it's safe to say that crazy crafters are the cat ladies of their time. My fears are always realized after said encounters. While it's not my cup of tea, I applaud them. They are blazing their own trail with vigor and glittered vision! Don't let me stand in your way of happiness... mainly because I want to leave Michaels in one piece.
I think the final product turned out simple and classy... just my style. I even found a way to sneak in some plaid... and then all was right with the world! Needless to say, every trash can in my apartment is empty and donation items finally found their way to my car... one by one. I think I fell more in love with it every time I 'had' to go outside. There is so much more satisfaction and love for something when you made it or put it together yourself. Maybe the crazy crafters are on to something.... Nahhh! They are probably just high on hot glue fumes.
Well, now that I have decorated for a holiday that is one holiday away, I am off to pack so I can give Thanksgiving the proper attention!
However, since I don't live at home anymore and can make my own rules (although I think I was the one who started that rule, but that's beside the point), I decided it was time for Christmas! I'm sure it was the wine and Love Actually that helped bring this idea to fruition sooner than expected, but if that's so wrong... then I don't want to be right!
First, my 3 foot tree makes me incredibly happy! Now before you go judging me, you can't find REAL trees that small and if I had any room at all in my apartment, I would get a real one. If you choose to have a fake tree, know that I am judging you just a tiny bit... but I'll let you off a little since it's the holidays and I'm nice. :) Nothing beats the smell pine in your living room!
I have approximately 7 real ornaments on it and plastic silver balls from the $1 section at Target. I am working on expanding my collection, but since I like my ornaments to mean something, it's sort of a slow process. It looks a little empty, but it's my little Christmas tree and I love it. Come to think of it, it's very Charlie Brown of me.
Next, my homemade wreath! My previous Christmas wreath found a new home last year with the Grinch who stole it. I hope they are enjoying it. I looked at buying a pre-made one, but the idea of a Sunday afternoon craft project made me feel like a fat kid in a candy store and I couldn't deny myself that kind of happiness. My overwhelming Martha Stewart crafting joy was appropriately paired with a healthy dose of reality after an encounter with a crazy crafter. I think it's safe to say that crazy crafters are the cat ladies of their time. My fears are always realized after said encounters. While it's not my cup of tea, I applaud them. They are blazing their own trail with vigor and glittered vision! Don't let me stand in your way of happiness... mainly because I want to leave Michaels in one piece.
I think the final product turned out simple and classy... just my style. I even found a way to sneak in some plaid... and then all was right with the world! Needless to say, every trash can in my apartment is empty and donation items finally found their way to my car... one by one. I think I fell more in love with it every time I 'had' to go outside. There is so much more satisfaction and love for something when you made it or put it together yourself. Maybe the crazy crafters are on to something.... Nahhh! They are probably just high on hot glue fumes.
Well, now that I have decorated for a holiday that is one holiday away, I am off to pack so I can give Thanksgiving the proper attention!
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