Squeeky Clean!

I have this new weird habit of not being able to sleep before trips. I don't know if it's just nerves about the trip or what. My flight home for Thanksgiving is at 9am and I am getting picked up at 7am. Its 4:15 am and I am still up. This is very unlike me. It's usually the early bird special and off to bed at 9pm, 10 if its a 'late' night. Yep... that's my idea of fun and I have no shame in my game.

I have always been a cleaner... I think it's in my blood. I find it very therapeutic and it's something I can have control over when I feel like things are out of control. Naturally, to combat my pre-trip nerves, I clean. It helps calm me and then I always come home to a clean apartment! :)

As I said, its 4:15am and I just started my noisy dishwasher. Probably not very nice, but it needed to be run before I left, so tough cookies! Hey, I am holding off on running the garbage disposal until at least 7am... you are welcome!

My Portion...

I've had a twinge of sadness the past few days. This will be my first 'adult' Christmas when I haven't been totally consumed with work or dating Jesse... which seems to be hitting me harder than I expected. Despite a few sad moments during Fall, I sailed through it. This falsely lead me to believe I was past him, but here we are again. I think I am adequately over him and need to remember it's OK to be sad once and awhile. I guess you have to experience and relearn each season, as they all bring something new - both good new and not as much fun to deal with new.

I miss him, but I think I miss the idea of him more... which has been weighing on my heart lately. Typical to my coping mechanisms, I just ignored it and hoped it would go away. Surprise! It didn't. I decided that since I am in the process of turning over a new leaf, I should try to deal with it now so maybe the next seasonal transition wont be quite as bad. I mean, the next season brings life and that's how I want to feel! I would normally deal with it with Love Actually, wine and a good cry. While this is OK to do every once and awhile, it made me realize that no matter how my human self tries to deal with it, you can't make any progress until it is dealt with spiritually. God is trying to teach me yet again to love HIM! Look to HIM! Trust HIM!

So instead of dwelling in and on my loneliness and strong desires to be married, I am working on resting in the One who longs for me to feel that way about Him. The One who's love and care is constant... not something I have to earn. The One who shepherds me when I am struggling and whose mercy and grace is all powerful and ever present.

I want to use this time of singleness to bring glory to God and prepare myself for the blessing of a husband. To do this, it starts (and ends) with my eyes fixed upon the cross.

These passages have been such a wonderful reminder of hope to me lately...

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion's never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself. "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him..." -Lamentations 3:22-25

"We also have joy with our troubles, because we know that these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character and character produces hope. And this hope will never disappoint us, because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts." -Romans 5:3-5

"My God will use his wonderful riches in Christ Jesus to give you everything you need." - Philippians 4:19

God is greater than our weakness and because of that, I am resting in the arms of my maker tonight.

Decorating for Christmas!

Well, this year I did something that is generally socially unacceptable among most people, myself included. I'm not proud of it, but I put up my Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving. I know... I know... I am hanging my head in shame (sort of). It has been a steadfast rule for many years at the Cesla household that Christmas doesn't start until after giving thanks for our many blessings over a turkey dinner.

However, since I don't live at home anymore and can make my own rules (although I think I was the one who started that rule, but that's beside the point), I decided it was time for Christmas! I'm sure it was the wine and Love Actually that helped bring this idea to fruition sooner than expected, but if that's so wrong... then I don't want to be right!


First, my 3 foot tree makes me incredibly happy! Now before you go judging me, you can't find REAL trees that small and if I had any room at all in my apartment, I would get a real one. If you choose to have a fake tree, know that I am judging you just a tiny bit... but I'll let you off a little since it's the holidays and I'm nice. :) Nothing beats the smell pine in your living room!

I have approximately 7 real ornaments on it and plastic silver balls from the $1 section at Target. I am working on expanding my collection, but since I like my ornaments to mean something, it's sort of a slow process. It looks a little empty, but it's my little Christmas tree and I love it. Come to think of it, it's very Charlie Brown of me.


Next, my homemade wreath! My previous Christmas wreath found a new home last year with the Grinch who stole it. I hope they are enjoying it. I looked at buying a pre-made one, but the idea of a Sunday afternoon craft project made me feel like a fat kid in a candy store and I couldn't deny myself that kind of happiness. My overwhelming Martha Stewart crafting joy was appropriately paired with a healthy dose of reality after an encounter with a crazy crafter. I think it's safe to say that crazy crafters are the cat ladies of their time. My fears are always realized after said encounters. While it's not my cup of tea, I applaud them. They are blazing their own trail with vigor and glittered vision! Don't let me stand in your way of happiness... mainly because I want to leave Michaels in one piece.


I think the final product turned out simple and classy... just my style. I even found a way to sneak in some plaid... and then all was right with the world! Needless to say, every trash can in my apartment is empty and donation items finally found their way to my car... one by one. I think I fell more in love with it every time I 'had' to go outside. There is so much more satisfaction and love for something when you made it or put it together yourself. Maybe the crazy crafters are on to something.... Nahhh! They are probably just high on hot glue fumes.

Well, now that I have decorated for a holiday that is one holiday away, I am off to pack so I can give Thanksgiving the proper attention!

LIST-lessness

I cant sleep. I feel uneasy about something... not quite sure what. Its the worst being exhausted and not being able to fall asleep. I don't actually want to go to bed, which is odd because I love my bed. I don't know where this bed issue came from, so I am camping out on my couch (again) and hoping a 'go to' movie will lull me to sleep. It hasn't so far, so I decided to write a few things down. I think this insomnia was also perpetuated by Pinterest... my brain is racing with decorating ideas and projects!

Projects:

-Refinish bench

-Spray paint porch light & install

-Make Christmas tree skirt

-Make seasonal garland

-Print pictures for frame wall

-Bar stool seat covers

Need to do:

-Tailor

-Organize papers

-Craigslist wine racks and grill

-Dry cleaning

Ok. Now I can hopefully stop thinking about that.

Life has been busy lately. Both in a good and bad way. I am overwhelmed with things. I have a hard time giving my anxieties, fears and worries to God-- which would obviously help me sleep if I could. I dont know where this anxiety comes from, but its nothing new. A lot of it is probably self inflicted. Have I done my part to ward off these worries or have I been procrastinating and lazy? I know having a messy place and long 'To Do' list only makes my life feel more out of control. I am really trying to find the root of this problem because its something I can change and I think it would make me a better person to do so. I need to take control of my mind because "contentment is more of a shift in attitude than a change in circumstances." That quote is from my bible study book 'Calm my Anxious Heart' by Linda Dillow and it has really stuck with me. I am a positive person. I see the stars instead of the mud. So I am rooting around to see what the real issue is. Thats a scary thought, but it's necessary so I can be the best me. More importantly, so I can glorify God in everything I do!

Good reference lists-

Prescription for contentment:

-Never allow yourself to complain about anything - not even the weather

-Never picture yourself in any other circumstances or someplace else

-Never compare your lot with another's

-Never allow yourself to wish this or that has been otherwise

-Never dwell on tomorrow - remember that [tomorrow] is God's, not ours

Practice:

-Choosing to give our anxieties to God

-Choosing to pray specifically

-Choosing to be thankful

-Choosing to dwell on the positive

Growth

Lately, I have had to go out of my comfort zone in a lot of areas in my life. While it's not fun and scary, I think you grow the most when you are out of your comfort zone. This was not self imposed, it was circumstantial, but I never could have imagined where its taken me... and wouldn't change it for anything. I am so happy and overwhelmingly blessed.

God does provide.
He is the light in our darkness.
He is our hope!

I pray I can continue to be a faithful follower because He deserves the glory!

Hello Fall!

Growing up in a place with 4 seasons, I have really come to love each one for what it offers. Winter brings snow, the holidays and cozy fires. Spring brings new life, renewed energy and flowers. Summer brought no school, vacations and the pool. Fall brings cooler weather, the leaves changing and football. Most importantly, one of my favorite things about Fall are the ACORNS! I know most people view them as a hassle, but they are like little packages of joy to me. :)


Truthfully, they were usually the only thing that made our family torture... I mean, raking days somewhat tolerable. Well, the acorns and probably jumping in the leaves. :) Thanks to my neighbors beautiful, but ginormous oak tree (RIP Judy and sadly her Oak Tree) that kindly shed its leaves and acorns ALL over our yard, raking was a never ending job come September. Its funny how I never truly appreciated the leaves changing when I lived there and now its the thing I miss the most.


Anyways, I'm not sure what it is about them that I love so much. Maybe it's their cute little hats or that they are a symbol of good luck and prosperity. While those points add to my affinity of acorns, I know this love stems from my uncontrollable love for stepping on crunchy things. Oh the joy of stepping on an acorn and hearing that perfect crunch! I turn into a little kid on Christmas. I smile every time and my heart is flooded with a little rush of pure happiness. I look like a fool when I am out walking because I will go out of my way to step on every one I see, making me look like a spastic dancer of sorts. Sorry for ruining your food squirrels, but I can't help myself!


So far this Fall, I've had to work a little harder at keeping my spirit alive as I prepare for the dead winter months ahead. As the weather begins turning cold and everyone starts burrowing in their homes, I am learning to love fall, alone. It's been a harder transition than I anticipated, but I know God has great things planned for me this Fall. I've already bought my first mum (above), made a fall-ish wreath (details in a later post) and have two trips home planned! I cant wait to make my first batch of chili, enjoy my pumpkin spiced candles, pull on my favorite fleece and walk in the crisp, cool morning air. I am making incredible new friends in my community group and in November, I am walking 60 miles to fight breast cancer. Yep, I'd say its going to be a wonderful time of year, but right now and in those tough moments in between, I'm so glad I have those little reminders of life's simple joys.


Fall tree image found here
Acorn image found here

A little nugget...

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." - Mark Twain

Pay It Forward

I was scanning Netflix the other day for some 'oldies but goodies' and came across "Pay It Forward" with Haley Joel Osment, who to this day still weirds me out. Creep factor aside, I was thinking about the movie and what a novel idea 'paying it forward' really is. If you haven't seen the movie, basically a troubled boy is inspired by a school assignment.

The assignment: think of something to change the world and put it into action. Osment's character comes up with the idea of not paying a favor back, but forward. Essentially, repaying good deeds with good deeds. So simple!

This got me thinking, which is sometimes a scary thing, that if it's such a simple concept, why can't I apply this to my everyday life. It was actually harder than I thought because I didn't want it to be something that required a lot of me (something that came naturally and wasn't forced), but that would make a difference in someone else's life... no matter how big or small.

My idea came to me the other day during yet another 100+ degree day. Where I live, there is a lot of wealth and a lot of poverty. So it isn't too shocking when I see people going through our recycling bins for cans and bottles to collect for the refund money. There was a man out collecting, but he practically had to climb into the bins for the few cans in each of them.

Then came my 'ah ha' moment... why not just keep my cans separate so people don't have to dig through the bin?

The plan...

I love recycling, so I already had half of this 'project' in the bag. :) All I did was add a command hook to the side of my personal recycling bin to easily gather my cans.

What makes this whole idea work, is that I have a serious Diet Dr. Pepper/Diet Coke addiction... which means LOTS of cans! Hello, my name is Erin and I have a coke problem (the liquid kind, not the powder). Case in point...

As soon as my 'can bag' is full, I set it outside next to the recycling bin. Easy! I like to think that the 'collectors' might consider it winning the can lottery that day and who doesn't want to win the lottery!?!?

I don't know if this change will make a difference, but it's worth a try. Sure it's a small gesture, but hopefully one that could make someones day a little brighter. What gesture have you made for someone else lately?

007

I LOVE flowers.

Growing up we always had fresh flowers in our house. Even now, when I go home I can always expect to be greeted by loving arms at the door and beautiful flowers in my room. Naturally when I moved into my current apartment, I knew flowers were one thing that would make it feel more like home to me.

So, off I went to buy some impatiens that would greet me at the door and welcome me home. I didn't take a picture, but they looked great and all was right with the world.

Fast forward a few weeks. Things quickly start going downhill. The buds weren't opening, leaves were shriveling and they looked pathetic. Despite my best efforts, I had to let them go to plant heaven. Normally, after a loss like this, people would give up and move on... but not me! I looked at the cold hard facts and determined that it must have been the cheap Wal-Mart soil I bought because, well, it's Wal-Mart.

Lesson learned. This time I decided to go to Ruibals, a well known and experienced nursery in town, to buy good soil and well bred flowers. I. Was. Excited. Once I got home, I braved the heat to plant my happy flowers and probably even watered them with the sweat dripping off of my brow. That's actual love being poured out into these plants! They were so happy and so was I.

Yep, you guessed it. A short time later, I realized James Bond and I more in common than I cared to admit... a license to kill. Here are my plants (Round 2) today:

My once cute, window basket.

My once pretty, stair pots.
(The last one has given me some hope because the greenery is still alive.)

I haven't killed everything though, here is my pride and joy...

My basil!

I really love flowers, but I plan to try more 'hardy" plants next time... probably something similar to the solo survivor above. I like to believe that my 2nd round flowers died of heat exhaustion and not neglect (which wasn't the case... maybe too much love?) I just hope I don't have to face the reality that I might not be cut out to be a plant owner.

I'll post updated pictures of my third attempt as soon as I get back to Ruibals. I need the experts on this one, so I know I'll be in good hands there. Third time's a charm right?!?

Until then, any tips or tricks to keep plants alive? Yes, I know to water them!

Pump Up the Jam...

During this long hot summer, I've been spending plenty of time inside. This inside time has given me lots of time to unpack, despite having moved 5 months ago. Actually, its more like paper purging because I think everything is important so I keep it all. I am improving, I made a big step and stopped getting bank statements... those were the worst! Anyways, music has been keeping me company as I trudge through my paper trail dating back 4 years. Wow, that's an embarrassing confession, but as Usher so eloquently puts it, "These are my confessions..."

Cleaning is my jam and so are solo dance parties. Here are my summer tunes:

Eli Young Band- Crazy Girl

Taylor Swift- Sparks Fly

Coldplay- Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall

Mat Kearney- Runaway

Florence and The Machine- Dog Days Are Over

Randy Rogers Band- Too Late For Goodbye

Miranda Lambert- Heart Like Mine

Snow Patrol- Just Say Yes

Tegan and Sara- Fix You Up

Mumford & Sons- Awake My Soul

Some old. Some new. Nothing very crazy, but mostly these are the songs that seem to fit the random moods I've been in this summer. Hope you find some new music to enjoy!

My Thrifty Wall

I've never had my own space to do as I please and this is my first act of rebellion...

It's still a work in progress, but here is my picture frame wall!

It's an awkward wall that needed a little love, so why not do something crazy (yes, making a picture frame wall is crazy for me) and different. After much deliberation, I decide it cant get much more awkward and I have nothing to lose. This wall is a silent 'room separating' indicator between my living room and what is loosely translated as my dining room.

'Dining room' across from the awkward wall.

To complete this project, I have been thrift store shopping for interesting frames which I am (planning on) spray painting white. However, this heat wave doesn't quite lend itself to outside crafting, so the spray painting will commence as soon as the frames won't spontaneously combust into flames. I'm not exaggerating... we are going on 41 days of over 100+ degree weather with no end in sight. Think, the Bad Witch from the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy throws water on her... "I'm mel-ting!". I'm from Kansas City, so that reference is somewhat justified.

As a visual person (as seen in my previous example), its hard for me to look past the taped up grocery store ads and creepy little girl in the oval frame, but I think it could actually turn out pretty well! I'm excited to finish it and then hopefully complete the space by finding a chair for the big empty space next to my trusty friend, the TV.

Shares the wall with my so called dining room.

I think the heat must be getting to me because I kind of sound like a designer or like I know what I'm doing. Either way... I love it!

A Happy Thought

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly." -Proverb

Table for... one.

It happens. Everyone has experienced heartbreak before, and after you finally survive the sad, wine nights (note: a bottle isn't meant for one person)... reality kicks in. For me, this harsh reality came in the form of meals. I've never had a problem eating alone and while the thought of that is enough to drive some people to starvation, I relish the time. (Puns make me laugh, so yes, that was intended.) However, I don't eat out very often, so that wasn't actually the hard part.

For me, it was 'cooking for one'.

It's scary just typing it! I have always envied people who can cook, so when I finally snagged someone to cook for, I was more than happy to start learning! The hard thing about cooking is that typically recipes are for 6-8+ servings and I was just lucky to need two. After eating casseroles and soups meant to feed an army, I learned the secret of halving. This usually required twice the number of frantic phone calls to my mother (math isnt my strong suit) with a million and one questions. Bless her. However, as Murphy's law would have it, just as I was getting the hang of it... bam! I dont know if it was the Asparagus Pizza or Pizza cups. Maybe I just liked making pizza too much, but whatever it was, my reservations changed from 2 to 1.

I've found that cooking brings me a lot of joy, so I decided I am just going to have to figure out how to tweak it to fit my new needs. Here is my first venture into this endless and delicious journey.

Pasta Sauce Cubes

Here is a great way to store pasta sauce in individual servings, so it won't go to waste when you don't use the whole jar:

First, I bought ice cube trays and my favorite pasta sauce.

Then I filled the trays with the sauce, just as I would to make ice cubes. Cover them with cling wrap and put them in the freezer.

Then, pop them out and put them in a ziplock bag until you have the taste for a little Italiano!

I dont like tons of sauce, so I only use 2 cubes for a little more than 1 cup of pasta. Put them in a bowl and cover. Heat up for 30 seconds, then take a fork and mush them up a bit, recover and heat up again for about 30-45 seconds (depending on your microwave) or until hot. Pour your pasta into the bowl and dinner is ready!

Even better than that, there was also an added bonus to this project. I have a deep love for Mason Jars. What can't you use one for?!? It honestly never ceases to amaze me. Anyways, the Classico sauce I bought came in a cool Mason Jar! I imagine it gracing my table with some fresh flowers the next time friends come over for a little vino.

All I did is run the jar under hot water to loosen up the label and peeled it off. Some of the glue was still on the jar, so I used the other end of my scrubber and scrapped it right off.

Now all I need are some flowers. :)

Back to School!

Back to school has always been one of my favorite times. New pencils, notebooks, and school supplies somehow bring a renewed sense of hope. Hope to make new friends, make better grades... the hope for a new start. Recently, I have been experiencing a new start and while it doesn't include freshly sharpened pencils, the sense of excitement (and dread) is all the same.

Today, I did one of my favorite things... school supply shopping! I always liked getting the supplies, but the actual school part quickly took the wind out of my sails. I'm so glad I have the opportunity to help out a child in need and give them the fresh start everyone deserves. I had so much fun doing it and while I'm very glad I'm not the one going back to school (I know my mom is thankful too), decorating notebooks never gets old. :) People always say, "Giving is better than receiving" and I was reminded of that today.

Surprise Spring...

I am feeling refreshed & renewed about a few things in my life right now:

New blog
New planner refills
The re-focus in my life
Rekindled friendships
A sense of excitement
Hope for what the future holds


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11